My Boss Quit and My Life is in Shambles
On Friday, my boss (and work bff) told us that she was leaving the firm.
It came extremely unexpected and threw me on an emotional rollercoaster that had me devastated and overjoyed at the same time. I was excited for her new job opportunity and the new season of life God was leading her into, but I was also so heartbroken that it meant she was leaving my season.
It’s crazy, really. How when you’re in the moment and flow of things, everything feels so permanent. Even though you know in the back of your mind it’s not, it still feels like it is. You prep on Sunday ready to head into the same normal week and do the same normal things with the same normal people and then one day –
— it’s not.
It’s not the same normal people and it’s not the same normal things. And there’s change. Maybe wanted, maybe unwanted, but regardless, it’s there. And there’s nothing you can do about it but live through it.
People come and go from companies all the time, and to be quite frank, most of them go unnoticed. Like your coworker that sits a couple of seats down from you, whose conversations are a mix of work-related things or the weather from last weekend. Or the manager from the department that isn’t yours, who you’ve only exchanged a couple of words with. Or the new person that came for 2 weeks and then was gone without so much of a glance.
Those people are just the background of your day-to-day tasks. They’re outside your work ecosystem, and so their disappearance doesn’t disrupt or disturb the balance.
But what about the people at work whom you talk to every single day? The person who you have learned incredible things from and who has taught you everything you know. Your team members that you collaborate with to create amazing and wonderful things.
What about the people whose conversations and friendship extend beyond the walls of your company building? Into happy hours, weddings and each other’s living rooms. Into $5 movie nights, girl boss events, and inspiring mission trips.
What happens when someone who is in your ecosystem, that delicately-created balance which you’ve grown to love and cherish so much, vanishes?
Then what?
Where’s the manual for that? Where’s the How-To-Guide to deal with that? And I don’t mean logistically – new hires, responsibilities shared, everyone leaning in to take a piece of the pie until next steps are evaluated.
No, I mean emotionally. What do you do when days have passed and your heart still aches? When you’re afraid to come back to work on Monday and see an empty office? When you feel stupid for feeling this much because it’s not like she’s dead, she’s just… gone.
But gone is painful… especially when you’re the one that’s left behind.
And I really wish I could blanket this pain with an “everything’s gonna be ok” or another interchangeable cliché that tries to convince you to brush it off and feel happy, but I don’t think it’s ever that easy.
It’s important to recognize that it’s okay to not be okay. Because when I pretend that I am and try cover my sadness up from my own self, I also hide it from God who can actually make me feel better.
Because here’s the thing that I’m learning about the corporate and adulting world in general – nothing is permanent. Regardless of our different experiences or work environments, things are constantly shifting and changing. Whether it’s the members in the organization, the company’s mission and focus, or your own personal projects and position.
And a lot of the time, you won’t ever be prepared for that change. It’ll just come and hit you, like a punch in your stomach, and you have to figure out how to gasp for air while maintaining your professionalism. And it sucks, it sucks so much.
But, that’s life.
And yes, while I know it will eventually get better and I’ll settle into a new routine and a new normal that will feel just as homey as the old one – right now it hurts. And I’m sad. Because wow, change is tough. She’s gone. Things will be different. And for the moment… my life is in shambles.
Love always,
The Sad Corporate Queen
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when your heart is broken
Matthew 11:28-30
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
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