I Cried on A Professional Zoom Call: A Vulnerable Moment
I cried on a zoom call yesterday.
It was absolutely unprofessional and one of the most vulnerable moments of my career… and I don’t regret a single thing.
On our bi-weekly operations call, my boss randomly mentioned that he wanted to run something by us before bringing it to the CEO, and then proceeded to ask if anyone has ever heard of Juneteenth.
I was a little surprised. And as the only black person on the call, I sheepishly raised my hand and watched majority of my fellow colleagues’ hands stay down. I was not surprised by that.
In the past few weeks, there had been very little talk about what was going on in the world. If I didn’t have a social media timeline and news channel myself, I honestly would’ve though everything was hunky-dory. This wasn’t new to me. I’m used to masking the parts in my life that don’t perfectly fit into a white man’s world. Which is why while I mourned in my living room the senseless death of black people, I wiped my tears, slapped on a smile and proceeded to join Zoom calls and present deliverables.
It has been hard, but once again, not surprising.
The entire executive team at my firm is white, and though we are a small company of 40, there are only 4 black employees — none which are even in mid-management positions. I’ve also picked up in the past couple of years, that my firm is amore on the conservative side, with a lot of strong views that swing right (maybe so right that it could be offensive).
That being said, when the entire nation finally decided to hear the cries of black people, I naturally assumed my firm would not be participating.
So you can understand why the entirety of this question caught me completely off guard.
And I was really thrown off my chair when he said “that’s what I assumed. And to be honest, I didn’t realize what it was either” and then proceeded to properly educate the entire Zoom call about what Juneteenth was, the importance of it, and how it is an official Texas state holiday in 1860 but a lot of companies and firms don’t honor it.
“I don’t think that’s right.” He finished up, “and I want to take it to the CEO to talk about our firm recognizing it as a holiday.” Which is then when he paused to ask our thoughts. He also added that he wasn’t to make sure we weren’t just agreeing because it’d be another day off where we get to bbq and have fun, but because we really wanted to recognize and honor black people and serve in the community.
And I (again) assumed this would be the moment where everyone looks to the token black person to approve, afraid to say anything in fear of overstepping boundaries, and afraid to comply in fear of being too zealous.
So I unmuted myself to speak when I suddenly heard someone else’s voice. “I think it’s a great idea,” one of my favorite Hispanic coworkers said, “I celebrated Juneteenth all my life but when I joined the military down here, they didn’t celebrate it which was very odd to me.”
My heart swooned — an advocate! Showing the importance of recognizing black holidays and proving the stupidity in not! That gave me more confidence to speak up when another voice piped in.
“I’ve lived in Texas for over 40 years and I have never heard of Juneteenth.” The sweet elderly office mom (and exec secretary) chimed in as she leaned closer to the screen, “and that is both appalling and shocking. I definitely think it should be recognized. And I think we should even go further and get with the philanthropy committee to serve and donate to black organizations.”
My heart lept. Once again, I was amazed. Not only an advocate but an actual solution and tangible step. And I didn’t even have to open my mouth to give it.
If not before, then now I was definitely ready to speak. But someone else beat me to the punch to voice their agreement and ideas. And then another person. And then another.
All sharing their hearts, and passion, and breaking the “politically correct” corporate rules to be vulnerable and open on behalf of my people. Of black voices. Of me.
And it was so beautiful.
So when my boss finally asked if there were any last words, I spoke.
I started to cry.
I tried to form into words how much this meant to me. That these past few weeks have been very difficult in my community. And that it means a lot to finally be heard without saying much.
I told them how sometimes we as black people want to bring this type of stuff up, but don’t want to cause waves. So when people in priviledged positions speaks out on behalf of us to uplift us, that is the change we have been looking for.
And then I thanked them, for their open hearts. Their honesty. Their love.
And maybe I was too overwhelmed with emotion in that moment. Maybe I was too gracious and too overzealous. Maybe it seemed like I was weak. But in that moment, watching people in my company, whom I thought was only filled with right winged “all lives matter” folks educate, advocate, and fight on behalf of people like me, was incredible.
I took a long pause to gather myself and when I looked at the screen, I saw a few other people wiping their eyes.
And it dawned on me in that moment, that while we may not be anywhere close to the change we wish to see, things are actually changing.
And that is incredible.
With love,
The Corporate Queen
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For When You’re In Awe of The World
Psalm 19:2
Each new day tells more of the story, and each night reveals more and more about God’s power.
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