Career State: Limbo, Feeling: Ok.

I’m going to be honest, it’s been hard figuring out what career content to create on here.

And maybe that’s because I’m bored or maybe it’s because I’m trying to shove down unaddressed feelings about my own career being at a standstill right now.

I am what you would call, ladies and gentleman, pigeon-holed.

I work for a small company, and there’s nowhere for me to move up – the next position (that I was actually working to get promoted to) got filled and will be for a long time.

And the position after that is exec level. So, when it comes to moving up the corporate ladder, I definitely see the ceiling and it’s thicker than glass. It’s cement.

But you want to know the crazy thing? And probably why I haven’t addressed this with anyone except my deep thoughts that crawl out when I’m doing something mundane like driving a familiar route home or showering at night ---

It doesn’t bother me.

The fact that I’m “pigeon-holed”, and that I don’t see any growth in my role happening anytime soon.

I think at one point, it used to. I imagined myself moving to California to work for big tech firms and retail corporations and work my way up the ladder until I was Chief Marketing Officer and all eyes were on me…

But in the past year alone, I feel my wants and needs changing.

I now understand how much I value work-life balance. I know that everyone loves to say that they do and then work 60+ hr weeks, but I honestly do.

I saw a screenshot once from Tumblr where someone was asking what their dream job was and the person responded “I simply do not dream of labor” and I have never related with something so much in my life.

That’s a hard pill to swallow in today’s hustle culture, I get it. But I think it’s an interesting dichotomy to dissect.

I like my job. I like the people I work with. I like what I do. I think it’s creative and stimulating in some areas, and I have a passion for marketing.

But is it strange to say that I don’t dream of working?

At least, not in the way I am now.

I secretly envy the trophy wives of the world. People who neither work to live or live to work, but instead work… when it works. When it brings them joy, or they’re helping someone out. When it’s fun.

It sounds crazy, and I’ll do my best to not say anything that will get Twitter angry tweeting me… but it’s a goal that wasn’t always as clear but now has suddenly become crystal. I don’t imagine myself slaving away at a 9 to 5 for the rest of my life.

But when I think about building something from scratch, I don’t want 30 years to pass by and I’m still working as hard as I was on day 1.

I want to be able to rest and enjoy the fruits of my labour. And I know this may sound strange, as I’m only 24 years old and have a life ahead of me, but I don’t want to wake up everyday just to go to work. I don’t mind working hard now to not work in the future, but some people hustle until they’re in the grave and that just cannot work for me.

I want to be a Lulu lemon mom that can waltz into Target in the middle of the day. Brunches during the week. Freedom.

Maybe that means I work part time and go in a couple of days in the week, or maybe that means I WFH and manage a team to help run the online empire I have by then, but either way, I’m done climbing ladders.

But mroe importantly, the way I view my workplace is different now.

That means I need a workplace that respects my off hours (and weekends). That means I need to not be overloaded with so much work that I don’t have time to think in the day. That means, I need to have flexibility to work from home a couple of days a week and trust that I will get my work done.

That means, I need to know my job values me and will pay me what I’m worth.

That means I need to know that they see me as Mandu, and not just an employee ID number.

Because work-life balance isn’t only constituting the work aspect, but also the life. I want them to value my life just as much as they value my work.

And sadly, a lot of companies and jobs just don’t.

By God’s grace, I’ve been able to find a place that I can tell really cares, and ever since I’ve been able to work from home for the past 4 months and it’s been so glorious.

I have loved every single minute of it.

No, I haven’t been promoted. No, I haven’t had any major career accomplishments.

But, it’s been chill. Steady. And has given me an opportunity to work on so many other things for myself, like this blog, new business ventures, and pursue new hobbies.

Do I think I’m going to be here forever? No.

But am I rushing to find something new right now? Also no.

I’m enjoying where I am. I’ve been able to spend so much time working on this blog. I’ve created new business ideas. I’ve had the freedom to try pick up old hobbies and try new ones.

I’ve had time to catch up with Mandu, and figure out who she is and what she wants.

And most importantly, I no longer feel this pressure looming over my shoulders that I need to be “successful” in my career in order for me to be worthy.

I can just be me.

So, I guess the gag is up. Why I haven’t been posting as much career content lately, and why I haven’t been as “inspired” with new content buzzing with corporate girl jargon.

If we’re being honest, a blog that has been killing it lately in that department is corporatecareergirl.com.

I highly recommend you check it out for all your corporate girl needs while I find my groove again.

And while part of me loves bringing you into my world, another part of me is scared to share this with you. Partly because I’m afraid of how you will view me.

By society’s standard, it is a good and desirable trait to be driven. To have goals. And to go for the things you want.

And when it doesn’t look like that, then people think you’re lazy, unaccomplished, and they write you off. Because even if your worth isn’t tied to your accomplishments, their view of you is.

But driven to what? To obtain things that you believe determines your worth?

So, I’ll end with this: I have goals and things that I’m going after --- they just look different in this season. And that’s 100% okay.

Until next time,
The Corporate Queen

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