Okay, let me start off by saying that none of this was intentional.

I 100% intended for this break to be a week max and then I’d be back on the blog like I never left.

But alas, three months later and here we are.

I thought for a long time how I wanted to share what’s been going on. Sometimes it’s hard to not be dramatic with your own feelings – especially when you’re not sure that everyone will understand. But, if there’s anything that I’ve learned in the process of CQ it’s that vulnerability is welcomed.

So here we are. And man, it really does feel good to be back.

To have my own space again that I can create and connect in. To have a platform that’s a breath of fresh air, where my words can meet you and greet you, and everything in between. Ok, ok, enough with the poetics, but I seriously missed this so much.

As we both know, I took an accidental hiatus that was both great and terrible at the same time. Great, because it gave me time to rebuild my new website (!!), but terrible because for a moment I actually considered not blogging anymore.

It was a total moment of insecurity, and stemmed from inadequacy and the fear of irrelevance. As days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, my anxieties grew. My unexpected hiatus made me feel like I had been gone way too long to ever come back and that all the rapport I had taken so much time to build with my audience had now dwindled to nothing. Surely, nobody cared to hear my voice any longer; surely, nobody would remember who I was or how once upon a time I had made them feel.

And in some way, I felt like Corporate Queendom had died… and I was 100% responsible for killing it.

And while in the midst of it, I was filled with so much shame for allowing my fears to choke up this dream, I also can’t help but look back and be a tiny bit grateful. Not because I don’t care about CQ or it’s not important to me, but because through that momentary death, I was finally forced to face a lot of things about myself.

For one, I realized that my fear of criticism and being judged by my peers is masked as a “need for perfection”.

I always pride myself on putting out excellent work that I’m 100% proud of, and never wanting to release anything that’s not “ready” yet – but I think in some moments that need actually hinders me.

The problem is that sometimes that level of “ready” doesn’t exist. And instead of recognizing that and moving forward, I convince myself that I just need to work harder to achieve it. And so I do… and those long days turn into weeks and those weeks turn into months and suddenly I look up and so much time has passed and I’m still fixated on this one thing.

Honesty, I think I’m just afraid.

I’m afraid of making mistakes. I’m afraid of being uncomfortable. I’m afraid that long posts like these where I’m letting out all of my emotions won’t make sense after I write it and will come off as one big emotional throw up.

I’m afraid of accidental typos and run-on sentences and design risks that end up not actually working. I’m afraid of putting so much time into something and everybody hating it or thinking it’s a bad idea.

And I’m afraid that I’m the wrong writer for this blog – that I’m not the cool corporate girl I try to be who has everything under control and no weight on her shoulders. Who can get through every situation with a smile on her face and easily balances her social life, faith, work responsibilities, relationships, regular responsibilities, health, sleeping habits, travel dreams, finances, and self-care all at once.

And I’m afraid that me being gone for so long was a big big mistake.

But maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Maybe it was a chance to step back and refocus and remember why I write.

Why I create. Why I’m here… why you’re here, and what exactly this is for.

It’s for us. The beautiful, messy, unrefined edges of us.

It’s the cultivated beginnings of a blossoming career with the rough edges of navigating the adult world. It's the art of meal prepping and choosing to go to Chipotle anyway. It's admiring both trashy tabloids and Forbes 30 Under 30.

It's loving the idea of happy hours but also the freedom to drive straight home. It's moving from Moscotos to wines you forget the names of and from roommates to one-bedroom apartments. It's not wincing when you spend a $100 but also being able to live off of $11.

But most importantly, it’s whoever you are right now and who you’re becoming… and sharing those thoughts and memories with someone who might need it one day.

Us.

So, in the midst of my shame, I can’t help but notice the soft whisper of Jesus telling me that it’s okay. That He loves me and my mess so much and that in my weakness He is whole. That there is no better time than this to keep going. And that there is a purpose behind my words that is greater than any imperfections that this site could hold.

So here we are.

Back in action - with a brand-new website and a mind full of thoughts I’ve been dying to share. I’m just so glad you’re here again to share it with me.

Reunited at last,

The Corporate Queen

—

For the New Beginnings

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.