September — a time for reflection, understanding, and perspective.

I feel like everyone has 3 versions of themselves: who they think they are, who they actually are, and who they want to be. I genuinely only focus on the first version, but this month, we’re saying hello to all 3.

WORD OF THE MONTH: perspective

I struggled creating a word for this month because September doesn’t feel as clean cut as I thought it would. Instead, it feels transitional… inspirational and a little messy.

It’s almost laughable to admit that I thought by this time I’d have life pretty much figured out.

I thought I’d be kicking down the doors as the new marketing manager of my firm (a position I had been working tirelessly for) with a certain number in my savings account (for my future Wedding and House fund), my apartment fully furnished (with a humble mention in an Interior Magazine), and a luxurious birthday weekend in LA to celebrate my golden year (25 on the 25th this month — how exciting).

But alas, my 25th birthday is arriving and it looks very different than what I imagined.

And although two weeks ago that thought would’ve filled my heart with anxiety, I’ve had time to gain some much needed perspective into what I thought I wanted and what I actually need.

I remember I was on the phone with Tristan rambling about the ups and downs of my life and coming to the solution how much happier I’d be if I just had anything I wanted. I asked if he could entertain me for a while as I began to list off everything that would be needed for my life to be clicked into place — more money, more followers which meant bigger brand deals, a promotion at work, a beautifully furnished apartment, and exciting vacations, fabulous clothes, and a flourishing relationship with God.

He smiled at me while he listened, clearly amused, but allowed me to ramble in my fantasy when everything was just right.

And then when I had seemingly got out the last bits of all the wishes I could muster and had dreamt my life into something as fabulous as it could be, he said, “let me tell you what would actually happen if you got everything you just wished for.”

“With a bigger audience comes expectations, so you’d have to be producing 10x more than you currently do now. Which means your schedule and your priorities would completely need to shift to accommodate for your audience’s need for attention.”

“You’d constantly be overworked and overstressed by all the brand deals coming your way. And because it happened so fast, you wouldn’t have time to adjust to the pressure that comes when you have millions of people looking at you.”

“Then on top of that, in order to keep your promotion in your career, you’d be working long hours at work, making major decisions and at the beck and call of all of the executives and team members alike.”

“I know it seems like your relationship with God would be flourishing because you’d have everything you want, but most often we grow away from God because we feel like we don’t need Him or don’t have time for Him. So your relationship would most likely suffer and be the farthest thing from flourishing.”

“And one day you’d look up from all of the fancy clothes you have, your beautiful apartment, all of your followers, and your seemingly amazing life and realize just how empty you feel because you’re no longer connected to the only thing that matters.”

And I was shook.

To be honest, I don’t ever spend as much time wishing my life was better, as I do thinking about all the downsides that come with getting everything I so desperately want.

And it just made me so grateful. Grateful that God allows me success in spoonfuls — the exact amount He knows I can handle but still lets me know I’m going in the right direction. Grateful that I don’t have so many things that I don’t depend on Him for anything.

Grateful that I still have the opportunity to spend my Sundays leisurely watching movies and scrolling Pinterest and not feeling the pressure of performing or being productive.

Grateful that I’m not the decision-maker at work that everyone depends on, which allows me to focus on my own ventures.

Grateful that I can go out in public and be human on my instagram stories, or maybe post something and then later delete it and nobody is creating a hashtag on Twitter to cancel me.

Grateful…for perspective. And for understanding that the more I live my life as if I’m missing out, then the more I truly miss out on living life.

ON MY CALENDAR

A few people have asked me what I plan to do for my birthday coming up at the end of the month and I honestly have no idea — which is very unlike me. I normally plan my birthday to a T (I had one birthday in college where I it crying over a bad Stats’ exam grade, and I vowed to myself that I would never spend a birthday like that again) and let everyone know what I’m doing, when to show up, and what’s happening.

But my birthday is creeping up and I still don’t have any solid plans… which doesn’t feel as scary as I thought it would.

Another question I’ve been receiving the infamous “how do you feel about turning 25”, and that I do know how to answer. Two words: bitter sweet. Bitter because I thought I’d be way farther in my life by this age, but sweet because I truly am thankful for where I am and how far God has brought me.

A year ago, I was homeless and car-less and basically walking in faith that God would provide against the odds, and now I look around and am so amazed at what He’s done.

So, in conclusion, who knows what this birthday week will look like or what 25 will bring. All I know, is I’m taking it day by day.

INSPIRATION

In the world of style, I have been inspired by so much lately (maybe too much?) and it has taken everything within me to not extravagantly swipe my card to appease this swelling fashionista spirit.

I think I have underestimated the power of the “Fall Transition” look. Living in a warmer climate, Fall has always been so tricky because I am immediately ready to launch into the sweaters, scarves, and tall boots when it’s still 100 degrees outside.

But Fall Transition looks — that’s a new favorite. It’s a look that is so thoughtful of your warm-climate situation while still allowing you to hold a pumpkin-spiced latte with pride. It’s September-Autumn and not November-Autumn. It’s sweater vests and chic black sandals. It’s oversized sweaters, shorts, and boots. And I’m so happy that it’s getting a moment this season. Thank you, NYFW.

In other news, slowly (and unwillingly I may add) instagram trends have started to grow on me, and I have allowed my eyes to linger on platform Doc Martens just a little longer than I would have ever thought I would. Seems to say that the biker boots with the cute feminine dress situation is way cuter to me in September than it was in June, and I am almost willingly signing up.

I feel like I’ve just been loving any type of platform shoes — especially these black converse platform high tops that would make a great birthday gift if anyone was wondering (US Women size 9). Hehe.

But on a serious note, my style is shifting (surprise surprise) to embrace more casual and streetwear. I don’t think I could ever pull off the “Jenny from the Block” vibe just yet, but I’ve been very inspired by the baggy jeans/clothes vibes.

Going back to Fall Transitional pieces, I have been in love with the slightly-square toe booties. So chic, so edgy, and when done right, such a moment. I’m starting to prefer them over normal pointy-toe booties, which is a problem for me because that’s all I have in my closet. Sigh, the desire of keeping up with the trends.

It’s always so funny to me when I think about 2020 trends, and how our kids are going to dress up at 2020 Costume parties — feminine short dresses with chunky dad shoes, sweats with square-toed-kitten-heels… we’re one big paradox and we don’t even realize it.

HOME HAPPENINGS

I can’t believe I’m already coming up on a year at my apartment. It literally feels like I just moved in a couple of months ago. But alas, we’re to the end — and I decided to renew. :-)

In the midst of my renewing, I also had the idea of incorporating some projects that I talked myself out of prior since I’d be “moving out soon” that I think I may want to tackle. One of them is switching out my hardware and door handles to these beautiful modern ones.

Another one is changing the color of my kitchen cabinets to a light grey using peel-and-stick wallpaper. Right now they’re a super dark brown, and while nice and elegant, it’s not my favorite.

The way my kitchen is positioned in my home, it doesn’t get much sunlight and I’ve always wished the cabinets were lighter to help make the space not feel so heavy. I first was going to do white, but since I have my lights on in my kitchen majority of the time, I didn’t want it to feel too sterile. (Especially because most white peel-and-sticks are VERY white without an ounce of warmth too it). Plus I feel like my next home will have white cabinets so I thought I’d try something different.

I’ve been seeing a lot of beautiful light grey kitchens lately and have been falling in loveeee. I especially love the gold hardware they use and just love how it adds color but still brightens up the space!

My only hesitation is that I’m not a huge DIYer (I like to pay for convenience) so I’m not sure if this task is overly ambitious. I ordered a roll just to test it and see if it was doable, and if it is - then your girl is about to have a (kind of!) brand new kitchen hehe.

Another project/undertaking that I’m considering is adding faux wooden beams to my ceilings and switching out my light fixtures to these pretty woven ones here.

Maybe a home refresh will be the perfect birthday gift to myself.

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Anddd that’s all I have for you this month, love bugs. I hope you enjoyed! If you want to check out some of my other favorite mood boards, you can go here:

March ‘20 Mood Board
April ‘20 Mood Board
June ‘20 Mood Board

Love always,
The Corporate Queen

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